Remembering What You Never Knew

The Kingdom of Heaven is like an old house, filled with all of your most precious childhood memories. Except, you have amnesia.

You are walking down what to you is just another street, filled with other people’s houses, other people’s lives, wondering about your own. But this one house…this one house seems to call to you. As you look at it, your heart warms, and you are drawn to the front door, which seems to open at your lightest touch.
The walls carry the aroma of a well used kitchen, as if the home cooked meals and chocolate chip cookies are still in the house somewhere, fresh out of the oven. You walk up the stairs and into one of the bedrooms. It feels so…familiar… You notice a picture frame on the dresser, and walk over to see who it is of. Your chest gets heavy, almost too full, as you realize that the picture is of you and your daddy. He has the most loving eyes…

I think we expect the kingdom of heaven to be new sometimes, as if we are discovering something no one else has ever discovered, as if the Kingdom is the last frontier. In a sense, it is. Yet, it’s the oldest thing in the universe. God’s reality predates time itself. What’s even stranger, and even more beautiful, is you have always been a part of it. Ephesians 1 says you were chosen before the foundation of the world. At the cross, Jesus fully reconciled you to Himself. He had you in mind that day he died. For thousands of years, you have been in the family, part of the story, mystically wrapped in the blanket of His eternal kingdom. You enter the kingdom for the first time, only to discover it was always yours.

I find this to be true in my life, like I’m remembering something I never knew before. You know it’s the first time you’ve ever touched the truth you’re encountering, but somehow it feels like remembering, like you’ve always known. My friend Doug said this to me a few weeks ago, and I didn’t know if I believed him, but the more I think about it, the more I realize he’s right. Not always, but often, when I’m spending time with God, and he shows me his heart, or his plans for me, or I read His word, it’s like I’ve been there before. It’s as if I’m reconnecting myself to the ancient dreams of heaven, the pre-existent realities that give meaning and something concrete to my very existence.

Mormons think we were spirit children in heaven before we were born, sent to earth on journey that ends in our return to our true family and our original home, heaven. I can see why they would think that. When you accept the gift of relationship with Jesus, when the work of the cross rewrites you into a new creation, you become one with Him. You are so intertwined with the preeminence of God that it almost feels like you were there when he breathed into Adam’s dust. You are one with the Vine of Love that always has been. See, God has always been in the kingdom. He IS the Kingdom. Now He is one with you. Now, the Kingdom is within you, and you are within it. Real Love isn’t just a new thing you get to experience; it’s the oldest thing that you always knew you were created for. The cross didn’t happen to some man named Jesus 2,000 years ago, it happened to your closest friend ten minutes ago, and you were there. Discovering the kingdom isn’t just finding new things, it’s unlocking eternal memories. It’s discovering who He was, is and will be. It’s discovering who you always were.

The process of becoming then, is also the process of remembering. Erasing the amnesia that was caused when we hit our head after the Fall.

I want to invite you to explore a scripture with me. Romans 5:12: “Wherefore as by one man sin entered into this world, and by sin death; and so death passed upon all men, in whom all have sinned.” In Adam, all have sinned. There are four different theological perspectives on this verse, and to get into them all would be superfluous, but let it suffice to say that you fell along with him. In the fall, Heaven became a dream, and barren earth became reality. Imputed amnesia was passed on to you, amnesia that caused you to forget who you really were made to be. Now, every human finds himself walking on that street, looking for the house of the Father, that holds all of the memories we have always hoped were true, but can’t actually remember.  But Jesus unlocked the house. He led you to the street. He’s the reason you opened the door. Jesus is the grand unlocker of the memories of the universe. He’s the grand unlocker of the secrets of your heart. His brightness burns away the haze, and His kindness melts away our defenses. He fills our whole bodies with light, and suddenly we see what was always true. Suddenly, we remember…

********************************************************************

For more on reality, and what it really is, read this. (A Taste of Reality)

For more on Romans 5, read Karl Barth’s “Christ and Adam”

For more on our union with God, read this. (Union)

I’ve also started a page for recommended books, movies, etc. look in the upper right of this site to find that!

Union

When it comes to true sex, skin gets in the way…

I was thinking about that the other day. I don’t have much experience with sex. I’ve never had sex at all, strictly speaking. But I have had moments in my life, especially recently, when I think to myself “skin gets in the way.” It’s like you can’t be close enough to that other person. It’s not enough to be next to them, holding them, talking to them, listening to them… It’s like you want so badly to melt into the other person, to be so one with them that you can’t tell where they end and you begin. You don’t just want to know what they think, you want to think their thoughts. You don’t want to just be with them, you want to be them. But not in a way where you are rejecting you, or who you are, or your own identity. More like you want your self to absorb  into theirs, to where it doesn’t matter what is “your” identity anymore. It’s really beautiful, and quite possibly what relationship is all about…Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about union. About our relationship with God. About how Jesus says that he came to bring us into union with Him:

He’s the vine, we’re the branches.

He’s in God, we’re in Him.I no longer live,

but Christ in me.More and more, I started seeing connections:

“For this reason, the man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, and the two become one flesh.  (Ephesians 5:31)  For what reason?

Union. Being so lost in the other person that you don’t know where you end and they begin. That desperate desire to share the sam
Then comes verse 32:e skin.

“This mystery is great, but I’m speaking about Christ and the Church.”

So this is really about that. And here’s what’s crazier. It’s already that right now.

The Union that we read about in the Bible is not a future thing. It’s a now thing. The cross accomplished the union. We live in this strange tension of being already in union and not yet experiencing it. We get tastes, glimpses, and progressively live more and more from that place of union, but it’s a process. Jesus saw that skin gets in the way, so he decided to go ahead and live inside you. He knew that the old you was too seperate to ever be one with Him, so he crucified you and gave you a new you. One that was no longer you living, but Christ living in you. It’s wild. You are now fully you, yet completely Christ at the same time. When the blood and water flowed mingled down, you melted right into Him…

Now, you don’t just listen to His thoughts, you have His mind. (1 Cor 2:16) You’re not just with Him, you are one body IN HIM. (John 17, Eph 5, Phil 2) Although Christ is progressively opening your eyes to this revelation (Eph 1:17-19), the union is already complete in the cross and ressurection. Jesus’ sacrifice really was enough. You are absorbed into the vine.

So what does this mean now? For me it means I’m not actually a part of this culture anymore. I’m actually living in two realities right now, even if I don’t realize it, even when I don’t feel like it. I’m in union with the universal creator of all humanity. I’m in union with the one who transcends every culture, every philosophy, every religion, and yet is found within all of them. (See my note at the end of this post for more clarity on what I mean here) I sometimes think about how seperate I feel from other cultures, other ways of thinking. In my less glorious moments, I even think that my Western culture is somehow better than other cultures, as if Capitalism and Democracy are somehow inherently Godly. I forget to remember that the Union Jesus gave me is a union he gave to every person on the planet if they want it. It’s a union that allows every culture to tap into the universal truths that God Himself set into motion, to feel what it means to be truly human, and to be fully alive. I forget that while I may not know how to interact with the tough questions of Athiests, or the broken cries of homosexuals that wonder why “Christians” hate them so much, I’m in total union with someone who does know. He loves, and He transcends all of my shortcomings and ignorance. The point is relationship with Him, and He is really good at bringing people to Him.

When you are enjoying union with another person long enough, you start to talk like them. Your mannerisms rub off on each other. Studies have even shown that your DNA makes minor adjustments to where you both begin to LOOK like each other! We are in union with a person named Jesus, and we are becoming more and more like him every day. The more we enjoy this union, and drink in the love of God, the more we manifest that union. In the process though, my goal is to be so transparent that you can see Jesus through me. The more honest I am about how I don’t have all the answers, only an incredible relationship, the more people will see Him and be drawn to Him. I don’t have to be perfect, or mister Evangelist, I just have to be honest.

I have the ultimate Union. That means that when I’m real, transparent, honest, the vine starts bearing fruit, and fruit of that union feeds a starving world effortlessly.

*****************************

(Let me tell you what I’m not saying. I’m not saying all religions are true. I’m not saying that all roads lead to Jesus. I’m not saying that those who follow other Gods are following the truth. I’m saying that God is the Logos (John 1). He is within all things (Col 1:17). Even wrong religions have a hint of Him, which is why people grab onto them. They taste a bit of truth, and they hunger for more. It is our job as Christians not to try to disprove every religion, but to reveal that the thing they value as true and alive in their religion is actually just a small bit of Jesus surrounded by a lot of not-Jesus. Christianity never claimed to be the only place to find truth, only to be the entire truth. For more on this, see C.S. Lewis’ writings on hell, salvation, and the afterlife. I specifically reccommend the Great Divorce, Mere Christianity, The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis: Volume III, and Aslan’s dialogue with Emeth in The Last Battle.)

(Some of the concepts in this post are building on or borrowing from Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller and Sex.God. by Rob Bell. They are my original thoughts, but both these authors discuss some of these topics, and I feel I owe them a mention. If you haven’t read these books, I recommend them. )

A Taste of Reality

Ever heard someone say “it’s time to face reality?” What they usually mean is “stop living in this fantasy world where everything works out perfectly and you don’t have to do anything to make it happen” or “get in touch with how crappy life really is!” Lately, I’ve been thinking about reality…

Reality is the world is broken, nasty, and filled with pain.

Yet, reality is that hope and love are abstract forces that fuel the human race to overcome brokenness, nastiness and pain.

Reality is loved ones die, and it breaks our hearts.

Yet, reality is that our broken hearts, that ache we feel, inherently points us toward a knowledge that something is wrong about death. This abstract concept of eternity, and unending relationship with others burns within our hearts.

Reality is that today, “sinners” are turned off to God by “Christian people,” because the Christian church is filled with corruption, deception, hypocrisy, and judgement.

Yet, reality is that the Jesus that all Christian churches claim to follow was none of those things.

We talk about “reality” and “being realistic,” but I think there’s more to it. The concreteness of pain makes it hard to believe in things like hope, love, and Jesus. Losing a loved one to cancer or an unexpected accident makes us doubt if there is a good God with a plan, or if He cares at all… The concrete world around us, the most tangible things we know, the things we tend to experience the most, make life worse. “Facing reality” is a terrible thing…

Unless you look behind the “concrete.” Pain hurts, but it only hurts to let us know that something is wrong. There is a higher, maybe even more real reality happening all around us, just hidden from view, all the time. So, what if we began to live there?

What would happen if those abstract realities behind this one became the “taste of reality” that we experienced all the time? What would that look like? How would it make us feel? How would we make others feel? It would be like living in a whole different realm, while at the same time, interacting with this one. It would be like pulling off the filthy rags draped over the barren desert of life to reveal the oasis of Eden underneath. It might look a lot like what Jesus called the Kingdom coming on earth as it is in heaven. 

I’ve watched two great super-hero movies recently: The Dark Knight and The Avengers. I highly recommend them. In each movie, there is a moment where a main character makes a choice to inspire hope and life in the world, yet in both cases, the “hero” lies to make this happen. In The Dark Knight, they pretend that a good man did not turn bad so that the people will still believe in good men. In The Avengers (don’t worry, no spoilers), they twist a story to make it more emotionally impactful so the heroes will find the motivation to work together. They inspire people to pursue the higher reality by lying about this one! Am I the only one who sees something wrong here?

Jesus came to bring life that you can pick up and throw. He came to bring healing that sneaks up out of nowhere and smacks you in the face. He came to bring love like a fire hydrant blasting you over and drenching you to the core. He came to drive hope through you til you burst with Heaven’s light. He came to aboslutely, positively, overpower your “taste of reality” with a mouthful of Heaven. The problem with Hollywood is it knows this higher reality is real, and it knows that this reality is the point, but without Jesus, there is not enough substance to get us there.  So they say you have to lie, twist, and stretch the truth to make it reach the good that you cannot  attain by simply being honest.  Lies are not meant to prop truth up in its place.

But here’s the real kicker: We as Christians do the same thing.

We sell what we haven’t tasted. We know those higher things are the point, but we twist and stretch what our actual experience is so we can get people to the good we know they should attain. We’ve believed this lie that the Kingdom of Heaven is less real than our current reality, not real enough to overpower the world around us. We’ve bought into the perversion of calling what’s wrong in life reality, instead of recognizing that even our knowledge that it is wrong is only proving that there is a right that all humanity is seeking.

We’ve lowered the kingdom of God to some form of magic that we don’t know the secrets to yet. It’s like God is the shy magician that only works his magic when no one is paying attention.We think prayer would work– if we could convince God just the right way then “poof!” magically better! Then, even when he does do something, we have this voice in the back of our mind saying “gee, I sure hope that was real magic, not just smoke and mirrors. I could use some real magic from this God, because things are hard. Please let that be real.” Looking back on it, we wonder if it was a one time show, or if he will ever be gracious enough to work his magic again.

I’ve seen about 6 instant miracles with my own eyes, and I’ll tell you that the most shocking part is how concrete they are, how normal. No fireworks, no voice of God, no angel appearing or room shaking, just something that was off being instantly changed in front of your eyes. A limb just grows out, a muscle just starts regenerating, stuff just happens, and then it’s done. I imagine that was the most shocking thing to the disciples as well. Walking around, handing bread out, realizing “wow, it just keeps multiplying” or watching a crippled man walk and thinking “that was so simple; all he did was stand up!” Honestly, the normalcy of it makes it hard to believe at times. You saw it happen, but yet you always thought it would be a bigger deal, and when it isn’t, you’re shaken up a bit.

But here’s the coolest thing: once you’ve seen it happen a few times, seeing it happen becomes your new normal. It becomes more normal to see miracles than not. Seeing nothing happen becomes strange and hard to believe. Now, if a limb doesn’t grow out when I pray for it, I keep praying, because it doesn’t make sense that it wouldn’t grow out. That’s not true reality. Heaven’s reality is more real to me in certain areas than this one, so I live from Heaven and bring it to this less real earth. And, thus far, every person I’ve prayed for has been healed.

We don’t get people to the things like hope and love by denying reality. We get them there by showing them a reality that is more real than their reality. However, we first have to experience that more real reality ourselves. I won’t pretend to have tasted much of it, but I can genuinely say I’ve tasted a little bit. It’s so concrete, so real, that nothing I hear, nothing I see, nothing I encounter in this reality can shake it. All I can say is if you have never tasted that, or you have never seen a miracle with your own eyes, get restless. Don’t settle. Seek real reality. Don’t settle for the brokenness that helps you know there must be more, go get the more. Don’t pretend to have it when you don’t. Don’t sell others magic that is only illusion. If you know it’s not real, so will they.

But once you get a taste of True reality, of God’s real magic, the Kingdom of Heaven, it’s the death, pain and sadness that turn out to be smoke and mirrors. There’s no need to stretch truth; Heaven’s Reality has no artificial flavoring, no additives, and no filler needed. Heaven is reality, this is the illusion.

Coming Out of the Christian Closet

I’m an English Major. Specifically a Creative Writing Concentration English Major. One of the biggest things I love about being an English Major is the community that I’m surrounded with as a result. In my experience, English majors are honest. They’re not narrow minded, and they’re not afraid to live outside the box.

Today, I got to go see the movie Blue Like Jazz with some English Majors, and I was reminded yet again of why I do life with these people. This post is the result of that movie, and the conversation that followed…

Truth Hurts

Honesty is something that you just can’t buy, and if you could, it wouldn’t be all that honest anymore anyway. I’m not talking about when someone just tells the truth, like when some mobster agrees to reveal the dirty secrets about his 2nd cousin Tony who is secretly The Godfather in a courtroom if they pay him enough to do it. I’m talking genuine, raw, vulnerable, messy, ugly, beautiful truth. The kind that comes out when your pastor isn’t around to hear you. The kind that you’re still convinced God is ashamed of you for. The kind that Jesus died on the cross for.

See, truth is not something someone says, or does, or writes, or draws. Truth goes deeper than that. For it to really be truth, it has to be life too. I think that’s why Jesus said He is not only the Truth, but the Life as well. Because dead truth isn’t enough. When something’s true, you know it not because it’s the right answer, but because you feel it. Something alive in the core of your being cries out and says “YES! That is alive! That’s real! I need that!” But there is a problem with this kind of truth…

Your demons always come right out of that prayer closet, wearing the embarrassing undies that you meant to throw away months ago.Truth, like the Man who is the Truth, always exposes darkness, anywhere it can be found. It’s a well trained watchdog that can smell the secrets rotting in your basement from a mile away. It leaves you with nothing to hide behind. It leaves you with nothing but you; the real you. I think sometimes Christians hide from Truth. I think the Church is terrified of it.

It’s not that we mean to lie, we’re just insecure. Just like almost every other person on the planet. We’re afraid of what others might think of us if we show them the “real me.” we are afraid of being rejected, or of being alone. Sometimes, loneliness feels worse than hell itself.

And it’s not like these fears came from nowhere either. You can remember exactly where they came from. That dad who was never there. That mom who could never love. That neighbor or realative who…you stop before the memory surfaces and you have to face it again. Wounds, buried and locked away behind stone walls in the depths of our heart. We pretend their healed, but warm blood still drips from the coffin. We embalm ourselves in religion, in being “biblical” or “walking by faith,” wearing Jesus’ smile on eyeless masks. We condemn the world for hiding behind sex, drugs, and loose living, but the world sees through our false faces, just like we do. Truth takes off these masks, unlocks the tomb, and we’re forced to face the tragedy of ourselves.

Truth Heals

But this isn’t the end of the story. Truth never stops there.

While films, poems, novels and art may only awaken the life that Truth carries, Truth Himself always takes us the rest of the way, if we let Him. While a poem like “Daddy” by Sylvia Plath may only take off the mask and expose the truth of abuse, the living pain we feel will drive us to the Man who died to heal that pain. Truth shows the ugly for how ugly it really is, but it thrives on what is beautiful.

The problem with religious systems and Christian masks isn’t that they prevent Jesus from healing us; He’s so good He’ll work behind them. The real problem is that when Jesus is doing all the work behind closed doors, all the world sees is the hypocrite in front of them. I know, because I’ve been that hypocrite.

There is one friend from High School that I will never forget. Her name is Kelly. Kelly was a few grades below me in high school, and far more popular than I could have hoped to be. She was a cheerleader, she was bubbling with personality, and she was absolutely beautiful (actually, she still is). My heart was drawn to her in a profound way, and I loved that girl for exactly who she was. Before you assume it was a crush, I’ll explain that while sometimes I did feel that attraction, it was mostly something far deeper and more familial than that. I think it was because God gave me eyes to see her a bit like He sees her. I could see not only who she was, but who she was made to be. I could see the Kelly she would become, and trust me friends, it is spectacular. She was not a Christian, and she had no good reason to want to be one. Her life was filled with heartache, abandonment, and pain I’d rather not talk about. However, she was still curious.

We would talk a lot about each of our beliefs, partially because I wasn’t very good at talking about anything else, and she was a good listener. She thought I was a bit out there, but at least she’d hear me out. I remember one conversation in particular. This is the one I desperately wish I could re-write.

We were sitting at dinner, talking about who Jesus really is. I was telling her that He wasn’t who she had made Him out to be, and that He loved her at a level she couldn’t even fathom. Then I said this:

“He really is the best thing that could ever happen to you. His love is more satisfying than anything this world has to offer.”

This is true, and now I can stand behind it even more than I could then, but I was lying when I said it. I remember looking into her eyes, my heart raw with Jesus’ heart for her, saying those words with tears in my eyes…all the while thinking in the back of my mind “I hope she doesn’t see that I don’t even know if this is true yet.” I wanted it to be true more than anything. My church said it was true, and the bible taught it to be true, but that was not my truth. As I talked about in my previous post, I was living hollow. I had never been satisfied like the satisfaction I was offering. I was still bleeding out under that mask. Although I had seen miracles, and I knew God existed, and I had genuinely felt His love, I was not healed enough to declare something so profound. To me, God was still the God of mostly enough; the God of “I love you, but I’ll never show you like you want Me to.” I was offering a Jesus I hoped to meet myself as if I already knew Him at that level. I was offering her my mask.

The hardest part is she took it. She came to an event at my church, and God genuinely touched her. She began a real relationship with Him that night, and I believe that she started that day was 100% legitimate, but she took my mask too. She gave her heart to Jesus, which brings me joy that I can’t put into words, but she also took my theology that I’d preached in the weeks before. She took my “more satisfying than anything” hook, line and sinker. She expected to experience that because I said it like it was what I’d experienced. Life kept hurting, and her faith didn’t live up to that expectation. She became quickly disillusioned, and our friendship began to fracture. Things became awkward between us and we stopped talking as much. I think I destroyed her trust in me. I haven’t had a conversation with her in nearly two years. Partially, because I’ve been to ashamed to admit that I failed her. I still wonder how things would have went if that conversation had gone more like this:

“Kelly, I’ll be honest with you… I still haven’t found total satisfaction. God hasn’t healed all my problems or made my life perfect. Sometimes, I wonder if He is really even the most important thing to me. I’m still broken, hurting, and confused, but I know He is real. I know that Jesus is the most loving Man I have ever met, and I know He will be gentile with your heart. He won’t force Himself on you, even though sometimes my abrasiveness may make it feel that way (I’m still working on that one). He’ll be kind to you, and He will heal everything you are willing to give Him. It won’t happen in your timing, and sometimes you’ll feel like He’s not even listening, but somehow you’ll always know He is. He won’t make everything all better all of the sudden, but he will make everything better than it could ever be without Him. Kelly, I still don’t have it all figured out, but I know 3 things: He is real, He is God, and He loves. Without this Man in your life, I promise you that something will be missing. God created you to know Him, and you’ll never be complete until you do.”

I’m not sure if that’s the best answer. I’m not even sure if it’s all theologically sound. But I am sure it is true. It has no mask, and it would let her see that while I’m still wounded, the Healer is at work. I could say that without thinking in the back of my head that I might be lying. I could say that and know what I’m saying isn’t a fairy tale or wishful thinking. I could know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was pointing her towards the Way, the Truth and the Life. Because in the end, Truth is a Man, and to know that Man is the only thing I have found that’s worth living for.

***

And Kelly, If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. Know that I never meant to let you down, and that I was never being your friend just to convert you. You are incredible, and you are worth my time. I’m still here if you ever want to talk, and I miss you my friend.

This Started as My Last Blog Post

A Close Call

This was almost the post where I explained how I was going to stop blogging for awhile. To some extent, it still is. I have fallen off the radar for awhile, and those of you that follow me deserve an explanation. I’m going to go a bit outside my normal style of blogging on this one and give you a taste of me, not just my beliefs, but I hope my story will breathe incredible life on you in the process…

 

This year has been possibly the most challenging year of my life. I can’t say for sure, because when you’re caught up in the moment, sometimes you can’t quite feel just how hard it truly is. It takes time for the numbness to wear off. My family is fracturing, I can’t keep up with school, I have too many commitments, I have no idea where I’ll be living in a month (ow where I’ll be working for that matter), on any given day my account balance has been under 10 dollars, I’ve been wrestling with huge theological questions, I’m slowly realizing that I don’t know how to relax (ever), and I find myself in leadership positions everywhere.  I find myself crying at random times, especially in the car, and I have no idea what I’m crying about. I’m avoiding getting to know new people because it seems like too much stress. Whenever I do bring myself to sit down, or slow down, it’s like my mind keeps racing just the same. I’m frustrated with my relationship with God, and I’m discouraged in some of my closest relationships with people. I’m ignoring phone calls because the thought of hearing one more piece of bad news is too hard. I’m sleeping in and waking up nearly just as tired. And with all this, in the back of mind I’m thinking “and I’m late on my blog update.” It’s enough to make a man want to go live in a cave or something…then I remember that hot showers are hard to come by in caves. So are brownies.

Another thing I’ve been realizing is how little of what I do is for me. Do I do things because I have to, or because I want to? Do I even know what I want at all? So much of my life has been motivated by a desire to change my environment. I have always wanted to be the best Christian I could be because it would mean that my family, my school, and my nation would change as a result. This all sounds incredibly noble, but it’s actually hollow. If you are living to change the world, maybe you know what I mean. I’ve been a part of incredible things throughout my life– miracles, conversions, emotional healing, social justice, and all sorts of other things– but there’s always been this groan in me, saying “there’s got to be more.” People have told me that groan is all sorts of things, but nothing has convinced me. Nothing has been enough to stop me from seeking to obtain that more. I’d rather die than live with a gospel that will never fully satisfy. A gospel that leaves you empty is not good news at all. The thing is, we were never created for works.

We were not born to be world changers.

We were born to be lovers. 

All my life, I’ve been living for a lesser identity. I’ve been living to change the world, and God is so kind that he is letting me have that, but I was created to love Him. I was made to enjoy a Person, not to accomplish a purpose. I was not made for the purpose driven life. I was made for the intimacy driven life, and frankly, I’m not even the one driving. Jesus is. I think I’m starting to understand why the greatest work of the law is to love… because life motivated by anything less is empty. If I write to change the world, I may see some change, and I’ll remain empty…but if I write to love…now that’s something.

This may sound ridiculous, but I think sometimes we even love for reasons other than love.  I know I do. I love to bring the kingdom of heaven. I love to change the world. I love to set people free, or to get them saved. But love, by definition, has no agenda. It doesn’t insist on it’s own rights or it’s own way. Love doesn’t love to change the world; it loves to love. Because love IS an end in itself. If we preach love because it needs to be preached, or because we are commanded to do so, we are selling love short. I’ve done that a lot. Not just in other’s lives, but in my own life.

I’ve received the love of God to fix myself. I’ve given God’s unconditional love an agenda, as if God was loving me to accomplish something other than just to be with me. Sure, I’ll be transformed if I’m with Him, but that’s not what He’s after first. More than anything, He wants ME. I’ve been so busy working for Him, I never took the time to realize that I was a son. Sons don’t work or love or change for the Father, they do everything with Him. For years I’ve only experienced His love for some other end, and that’s why I’ve always felt that His love wasn’t enough. That’s why the only new commandment Jesus gives starts with “As I have loved you…” This isn’t even about us doing anything, or becoming anything. It’s about being with Him. It’s about receiving Him. Everything flows from there. When you live like this, the world changes so much more, and you don’t even have to try.

Honestly, I don’t even know if I’m really conveying what’s in my heart. I’m trying, but words don’t seem to be enough for me right now. When you realize that your whole life you have been living for less than you were created for, and that most of the world is doing the exact same thing, how do you put that in words? How do you convey that grace really is this good? That all expectations were nailed to a cross 2,000 years ago, and now the only striving we are allowed is to strive to enter the rest that is already ours. I’m beginning to realize that it really is finished, and I’ve been living like the cross wasn’t enough. Jesus erased everything that kept me under a performance or “purpose driven” life, for no other reason than union. He’s desperate for ME, and all my life I’ve been giving Him works. I’ve been seeking to be used by God, instead of resting IN HIM. Geeze, I mean we really don’t get the fruit thing do we? How hard does a tree work to bring fruit? We are trees, yet we’re striving like we’re slaves! What we’re living looks nothing like true Christianity.

True Christianity is I get to be me. I get to discover who me is, and I get to fully be that. I get to do what makes me fully satisfied, and live out every dream that God has created me for. I get to enjoy every single good thing. Every gift, every taste, every beauty. God crucified that old man that needed to die. He’s already dead. Now, I’m free to be the new man that He always intended me to be. I’m free to live out what I’m made for.

And I was made for love.

I’m not exactly sure what this all means for my blog. For starters, I’m discovering that I like to blog, which means I’m going to keep doing it. Yet, I’m tired of living according to expectations, or to try to change the world. So, I’m not going to write because I have to. I’m not going to write because the world needs me, or even because the world needs Jesus. I’m going to write because I’m in love. I’m going to write because I can’t help but share this Man who gave His life for me and turned my world upside down. I’ll write because it’s worth it to share both the pains and pleasures of this journey, because I love to. It may not be every two weeks, as I had once hoped and attempted, (although I’d like to write nearly that frequently if I can) but it will be fruit. If I write any other way than the way I want, I’ll be doing it as a work, and it will not be satisfying. When I write out of the overflow of my life, goodness explodes out of me, but any other way is like squeezing a raisin for grape juice. I want to give you something that is alive, not something I scraped out of the over-analyzing corners of my over-thinking mind. I do want to change the world, but first I have to learn to be me. Only once I’m living from my identity will I even have a “self” to give. I’m getting there, but bare with me in the process, and know that when I say something, I’m giving you my soul, not just my words. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to continuing the conversation.

God Doesn’t Want to Use You

How many of you have ever said “I just want God to use me”?

I think most of us have said it at one point or another. So many of us say this and we are totally sincere, thinking that our desire to be “used” is the very thing we were created for, but it’s not.

The truth is that God does not want to use you. Or me.

Within this statement that “God wants to use me” lies a fundamental misunderstanding of who we are, and who God is. Just ask yourself, why does an all powerful God need help? If He created me so He could use me, why did he give me free will at all? Why doesn’t He just do it all Himself?

Stop for a minute and imagine how the Gospel would change if God came because he wanted to use you. “For God so wanted little helpers that he gave His only Son, so that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but get to be told what to do forever so they can help Him take over the world.” (John 3:16, revised to fit our broken beliefs).

Look at Heaven. God has beings that adore Him day and night, declaring His beauty. He has elders that serve him and angels that do anything he asks of them. (Rev 4-5) He has every need taken care of, and the angels do a much better job of even things like worship than we do. (You try standing in one place for the rest of your life, saying nothing but “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty!”) So even being used by God to bring Him glory is not the point. Yes, you were made to bring God glory, but God is not interested in getting that through you doing stuff for Him.

The problem with living to be used by God is this is at worst an abusive paradigm, and at best a paradigm of slavery. By believing we exist to be used by God, we make God into the most gentle, kind, loving, and merciful slave-owner in the universe. He creates people so they can do whatever He wants. He bought us out of sin so that he can make us his slaves instead. Perhaps, He wants to use us regardless of if we want to be used or not. Perhaps He chooses to use us and we have no choice but to comply. Now our good God is actually a cosmic Abuser. He gets what He wants, even if it goes against our will. This Abusive dicator has plans for our lives, and we had better obey them or He will make us.

If you are living to be used by God, then the greatest goal of your life is to simply stay on plan.

Even if you don’t like the plan.

Because you’re a Christian; you’re supposed to like it or else you are a bad Christian. (Oh, sorry, I mean you are “struggling to understand God’s will for your life.” Don’t want to be too honest here.)

You were not created to be used, the Gospel is way better than that.

From day one, God made man with responsibilities, but never for responsibilities. As a matter of fact, God never tells Adam how to take care of his responsibilities, only what they are. It’s like God says “So Adam, here’s your home. I want you to make the best of it. Take care of it, and spread your awesome life over this entire world. You are responsible for all this, and I trust you. Do with it what you think is best.” God made Adam a powerful person, capable of living a life of authority, getting to partner with God, not work under Him. But Man forfeited that purpose.

The Devil told beings that were already like God that they had to do something to become like Him, and they believed Him. Instead of living in their authority as powerful people in relationship with a powerful God, they chose to believe they were slaves that needed liberation from God! Instead of telling the snake “this is my garden, you are talking trash about my Friend, and you need to get your fruity lies out of here!” they said “you’re right, I’m not powerful, and God does rule over me, I need to fix that.”

For thousands of years after that, Man has been falling into the trap of relating to God like slaves, and God keeps trying to raise them up to friends. He goes to Abraham for counsel on His decisions, Moses changes His mind about Israel, He argues with the Prophets. He so raises up His children that He says He does nothing without first letting them in on it! (Amos 3:7) Finally, Jesus comes on the scene to clear things up. He says “I no longer call you slaves, but friends! You are now in on the plan, and you get to ask anything you want because you know where I’m coming from already.” (John 15:15-17, my paraphrase)

The New Testament uses wild, unorthodox, revolutionary language when it says that we are “co-heirs” and “co-laborers” with Christ (rom 8:17, 1 Cor 3:9). We are now friends of God, reigning with God, laboring with God, fully integrated into His heart, given all authority, taking part in the grand Reformation of all of the universe. If God wanted to “use” you instead of work with you, he would have never put that crown on your head. (You are a Royal Priesthood, remember?)

The whole of the Gospel can be summed up in this:

Christ died and rose again, so that you could have relationship with Him, and do everything with (not for) Him forever.

To be used is to forfeit your identity. To be in relationship is to finally find it.

To be used is to be a slave. To be in relationship is to be a friend.

To be used means you are weak. To be in relationship means you are powerful.

God doesn’t want to use you because He wants to labor with you. He wants you to be so deep in relationship with Him that you can ask anything, and know that He will give it to you. (John 14:14) You have been given all things, and God has restored to you the authority that Adam lost. God doesn’t want to control you, He wants to enjoy you. He has a plan that He wants you to be an active participant in, not just a passive victim of. Stop waiting to understand the plan of God. Instead, take Saint Augustine’s advice:

“Love God, and do as you please.”

 

P.S- A while back a blogging friend of mine posted a post I really like on this subject of God’s will for our lives, and it relates directly to a lot of this. In the comments on his post, we expand on the post a bit, because I feel there are a few essential clarifications that need to be made about how happiness is still the point, but with that understanding, the post is phenominal. I highly recommend reading it:

Jonathan Stone- What is God’s Will for My Life

Enjoy!

Love is “Selfish”

I heard a story recently, about a mother who died in the Japan earthquake. She was found by a rescue team leader, dead inside the rubble. The wall of the house had collapsed on her, like so many other earthquake victims. The team began to move on, but the leader felt prompted to check again. The woman’s position was awkward, like she had been praying, or leaning over something. The rescuer reached in through the debris, this time under the woman. He felt the warmth of a sleeping baby’s breath against his hand. This mother knew her child would die in the earthquake, and she gave her life to save his.

We’ve all heard the stories of mothers (or fathers) who make the ultimate sacrifice, giving their lives for their children. We are inspired by these stories, and we hope that one day we will have the courage to do the same. We praise them for being so “unselfish” or “selfless” in sacrificing their lives for another. Often, we use these stories as teaching tools about the love of God for us, and say that we should love with this same “unselfish, selfless” kind of love. We are called to “love like God loves,” and clearly, that love is not selfish, or self focused, or motivated by anything but the good of the other person… Or is it?

Is it true that Jesus died for us for our sake, having absolutely nothing in it for Himself?

Is that what the Bible teaches?

Is that Love?

Hebrews 12 says Jesus went to the cross “for the joy set before Him.” At Passover supper, He says he “eagerly desired” to eat dinner with his disciples. In John 17, Jesus keeps repeating “I desire!” about all sorts of different things. Wait a minute Jesus. I thought that this wasn’t supposed to be selfish! What’s with doing all these things for your joy, and to satisfy your desires about? Shouldn’t you be enduring the cross for my joy? Shouldn’t you be having Passover because the disciples desire it? It seems Jesus missed that whole lesson on being “unselfish.”

God doesn’t love us apart from His own desires, and He didn’t save us simply because we needed it. He did it because it brought Him pleasure to be with us. He saved us because we bring Him joy. As we see in John 17, Jesus did what He did because he had a whole bunch of things that he desperately wanted, and he was willing to pay any price to get them. Yes, Love does always seek the greatest good, but the greatest good is not just some abstract concept. The greatest good could also be called “the greatest pleasure” or “the greatest fulfillment.” Love seeks the ultimate happiness of both the lover and the beloved. As a matter of fact, the ultimate happiness of the lover is only found in the ultimate happiness of the beloved.

Ask that mother who gave her life for her baby what would have brought her more pleasure: saving herself, or saving her baby?  Look into her eyes. There isn’t even a shred of wavering in her voice as she answers. “There is no comparison, the only choice that could bring me joy is to save him.” The very thing that makes it the Love that is like God’s Love is that no matter what the cost, it hardly even feels like a sacrifice.

Better still, look into the eyes of Jesus. Jesus, was it worth it? Or would it have been better to just keep enjoying everything in heaven? Which one had more in it for you?

“I would give up heaven 100 times over for the pleasure of being with you, even if you were the only one I would ever save.” 

That is Love.

To say love is selfish is a bit of a stretch. It doesn’t perfectly convey the truth of what love is, but it helps.

So often we look at “unselfish” or “selfless” Love as void of any personal desires or pleasures. Sacrificing my needs or my good for the sake of others; giving up what I want so you can have what you want. But this is not Love. To Love like Jesus means sacrifice comes from the joy set before you, not from forsaking your joy for another’s sake. Love’s greatest happiness and fulfillment, its greatest pleasure for itself, comes from giving everything for the beloved. Try telling someone who is in love that they are sacrificing too much to be with their lover. Their response will be “no, I’m hardly sacrificing anything. I would give so much more if only I had it to give.” They only see the joy set before them.

Sacrifice is something that those who are not doing the Loving focus on.

We also carry in our idea of unselfishness this notion that we are to forgo our needs to meet the needs of others. We call this love; you responsible for my needs and me responsible for your needs. This too, is unbiblical. Paul writes to the Corinthians:

“Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, ^(A)not reluctantly or under compulsion, for ^(B)God loves a cheerful giver.” (2 Cor 9:7)

While this verse is immediately speaking of finances, there is more to it. You have been given the gift of yourself, and you are in charge of how you give it. To Love is to give of oneself. Whatever you give must not be given reluctantly or under compulsion, or else it ceases to be Love. To put it another way, it’s only Love when you aren’t doing it because you “should.” Love gives freely, without pursuing self-benefit, but when one’s needs go unmet to start, Love has nothing to freely give.

I’ve heard a lot of messages where pastors and speakers are telling their congregations to love like God loves, and ending it at that. They don’t tell you how to do it, they just leave you feeling like you are doing something wrong, and should be loving more. That feeling you leave the service with? It’s called condemnation. They are telling you what you should do, but not empowering you to do it. This is the very reason why the law was such a burden to the Jews in the first place! Jesus says Love with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and all you can say is “I CAN’T!” But Jesus didn’t end it there.

Jesus said all the law and the prophets were summed up this one command, to love God with everything, and love your neighbor as yourself. The thing most of us Christians fail to notice is that we are no longer under the law. This is the ministry that brings death! It’s no wonder we are having so much trouble finding life in this commandment! We cannot “do” this commandment, we have to “be” it. We have to live it out naturally, out of the overflow of our new identity in Christ, not out of striving and shoulds.

In this New Covenant, Jesus gives us a new commandment: “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” When that speaker told you to Love like God, he forgot to mention that you can only Love like Him once you have been Loved by Him. We experience the love of God, then from that experience and that Love we now have something to Love other people with. When your needs have been met by God, and by His people made in His image, then you can Love people like Him. When you are filled to overflowing, then you can cheerfully love with your whole heart, free from compulsion. The most important step to Loving more is experiencing more Love. Notice that even in the old covenant commandment, we will be incapable of loving others if we cannot Love ourselves first.

How can you Love your neighbor like yourself when you are practicing self hatred by ignoring your needs and desires? Love for others is built on the foundation of love for oneself.

So when I say that Love is “selfish,” what I mean is  while Love is selfless, it is so enraptured in joy and fulfillment that it hardly notices. Love seeks the greatest pleasure. Love does not ignore the self, but as a whole and satisfied self it does what is best for the other person. Love gives because it is glad to, not because it has to.  Love makes sacrifice feel easy. Love doesn’t have to lay down its life, it gets to. As our Japanese mother has shown us:

Love never fails.

The Forgotten Christianity

Mega-churches. Tiny Churches. Denominations. “Non” Denominations. Emergent churches. Traditional churches.

Conferences, buildings, rituals, dress codes, books, blogs.

Christian Movies. Christian Dating. Christian Music. Christian Jewelry. Christian T-shirts.

It’s like a Christian all-you-can-eat buffet, just waiting to give you a spiritual tummy-ache.

If you would, turn off your Christian radio for just a minute. Stop surfing the web for Christian apparel, put down your latest Christian book, and turn off your Christian TV station. Don’t worry, it will all still be there for you when you’re finished here, if you still want it. I want to invite you to experience an ancient Christianity, nearly forgotten completely by the Western world. Its beauty and life was so contagious that all Christendom has been built upon its foundation. I’m going to ask you to strip away all your modern conceptions of your faith, so you can gaze on the raw beauty of God’s original intentions for us…

It starts with the one we call “Father God” (except we didn’t call Him that yet) and He was filled with longing.
He had an ache in His heart, but not the kind of ache that comes from pain. The kind that comes from having too much joy, too much pleasure, and no one else to share it with. He was totally satisfied in Himself, in communion with Jesus and Holy Spirit, but he was so satisfied that He was desperate to create. If you’ve ever had a feeling inside you that was so big you thought you would explode, it’s kind of like that. He had to share this thing we call love, but to Him it was simply His nature. How could He share something that was simply Him? You can almost hear Holy Spirit whisper in His ear.

“Papa, I have an Idea. Let’s make them like us.” Brilliant. A people made in His image, sharing in His nature, that could share in His goodness. A people who could love. The Almighty was about to become a Father. The Three-in-One would soon have a family.

Man chose to forfeit this blessing by choosing to find goodness through alternate means, but lets look at another Man in a Garden…

Jesus Christ, the God-Man, trembling amidst the olive trees. Wounded to the heart, overwhelmed, sweating blood. He is there for one reason. He has determined to die for the very people who have rejected Him. He is going to provide the way back to true family. His Father still longs for children to love, and He still longs for brothers and sisters. Since the very first day, only a few had ever tasted it, but soon the whole world would have an open invitation once again. The events that followed would soon be called the gospel– the good news that Jesus had made Family possible in a way that no one had ever seen before.

This movement spread like wildfire. It was a movement of love, not hierarchy. Jew and Gentile, slave and free, male and female, were all treated equally. There were fathers like Paul and mothers like Phoebe that helped nurture and raise this new Family that was collectively called “the church.” It was a messy movement, filled with broken, yet beautiful people, just like us. They made huge mistakes, and often fell short of all God had to offer them, but they were genuine. They carried something no one had ever seen. They had fierce love for their God who was actually a Father, their Savior who was actually a brother, and their fellow “Christians” who were now connected by a blood stronger than any family tree. They helped every person they saw, they healed all who were sick, they empowered every person they met. It was spectacular…but it started to fade.

Soon, “religion” began to infect this thriving community. The beauty of community was replaced by the beauty of gold. The freedom of family was replaced by the cold stone of cathedrals. Brothers became rulers, and Fathers became abusers. God’s beautiful family tree drank rivers of blood and oceans of greed.  Its life withered and died; there’s a reason why these times was called the Dark Ages. But a remnant remained.

New fathers arose, taking an axe and fearlessly hacking away everything that did not produce life. We now call these men the Reformers. They started a revolution in the church, that began calling people back to a life sustained by the love that God originally intended. This too was greatly corrupted, and much of what these men did was perverted by weaker men that wanted power more than intimacy. “Reformation” became “Rebellion.” The tragic truth is these men intent on unifying God’s broken family in a culture of freedom and honor could not get along. They let ritual, theology, worship practices and ministry styles divide them. Soon, factions and denominations formed, and the Family fragmented even further.

Many other movements came and went within the church, each one helping and wounding in its own way, until eventually the Church arrived at where it is now. Yet, today a longing is rising to the surface again. The forgotten Christianity of the Apostles is being whispered among this generation. We want something that our Father in Heaven is desperate for. We want the thing our Older Brother died for.

A generation is arising that refuses to be satisfied by “church.”

This Generation wants to be Family.

Denominational walls are being shouted down by a new breed of worshippers. There is a hunger for fathers and mothers who love freely. There’s a pursuit of “religion” that actually promotes relationship instead of paralyzing it. The Church is dreaming of the ancient plan of God that has been percolating in His heart even long before creation. The Happy Father is ready to recieve His children.

This isn’t about a system, or a brand, or slapping a Christian label on yet another area of our lives. It’s about relationship that transcends being “congregants” or “churchgoers.” It’s about realizing that the pastor you are hatefully shouting down for his “wrong theology” is actually your brother. Realizing that its not okay for there to be “black churches” and “white churches.” That it’s not ok for Baptists to say that Charismatics are devil worshippers, or to slander a book another Christian wrote on youtube without even talking to the author. It’s not ok to hold up “God hates Fags” signs or to refuse to be in community with other Christians because they are against gay marriage and you are for it. It’s not ok to assume all “pro-choice” voters are murderers, or that all “pro-life” voters have the right motives. You can’t condemn another Christian for liking music that is not Christian, and you can’t pat yourself on the back for only watching Christian movies. Brownie points for Christian T-shirts don’t count. The same goes for purity rings (yes, I wear one) and cross necklaces. What counts is how you love.

How much of a brother can you say you are to those that disagree with your perspectives?

How much of a sister are you when you won’t talk to the new girl in youth group?

How can you say you are part of the “Family of God” when you secretly think the way you follow God is better than everyone else’s?

Most importantly:

How will you ever love the world if you are so convinced that you are more righteous than them?

I’m a new creation, and in Christ I am righteous, but it’s only because I embraced the identity He purchased for me. I was a wretch without Him. So were you.

I started my own church this year. Just a small group of young people that said “There’s got to be more. Let’s find it.” I’ve been surprised by the simplicity and beauty of what I’m discovering. Structure doesn’t really matter. The songs you choose don’t matter too much either. Christian T-shirts don’t improve things, and purity rings don’t impress anyone. It’s not about all that. Something so much deeper binds us together and keeps us moving forward. Two Saturdays ago, as we were sitting in our softly lit prayer chapel, I looked over my “congregation.” What made the moment so incredible is that the word “congregation” never even crossed my mind. These weren’t my “sheep,” my “flock,” or my “disciples.” These were my dearest brothers, and my closest sisters. For the first time, “Brother” was not just one more religious title that I use when I’m greeting one of my Christian acquaintances. These were not just “Brothers and Sisters in Christ,” they were my family. Broken. Messy. Passionate. Beautiful. In that moment, I knew I had finally found home.

We are a royal priesthood. Royal, blood relatives given the power and authority to change the world. Priesthood, given the job to serve and to love above all else. Since the dawn of time, we were called to the most intimate form of fellowship. One in Christ, One with Christ, one with each other. Total unity that causes total joy. A whole new kingdom.

The Kingdom of Heaven isn’t a structure. It’s not even an ideology.

It’s people.

We must stop ignoring the Kingdom in the name of the King.

The King is after a Family, and your Family is worth everything.

Jesus Looks Like Old, Rusty Metal Trailers

Imagine driving down a country freeway. You look out the window as you pass a rusty, half broken down trailer, being slowly eaten away by the weather. If you are like me, this moment fills with delight as you stare into the beauty of Jesus right there on the side of that road, rusting away.

What? That’s not what came to your mind? Rusty trailers don’t become encounters with God for you too?

Then I suppose I better back up a few steps and explain.

At the end of December, I published a post called The Satisfied Life. If you haven’t read it yet, please do, or you’ll miss some of what this post is about (click here to read). God had started teaching me how to rest. Frankly, I have been failing at it pretty consistently. I mean, after all, how does one “do” rest? How do you “do” “just be?” I’m finding myself not alone in this struggle. My friend Esther expresses this process best in her recent post, His Grace. She says:

“I know where I should be at emotionally… but my heart isn’t fully there yet. I’m sad. I’m tired of the process.

 ”I began telling God this during my walk, and the words of Paul came to mind as he said: ‘I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation… I can do all this through him who gives me strength’ (Philippians 4:11-13 italics are mine). The repetition of “learned” stuck out to my heart. Paul indicates that the process of becoming content with where the Lord has placed him is a learning process, it doesn’t just happen overnight. There’s hope for me yet. And he concludes his statement saying that this learning to be content happens because God gives him the strength. He doesn’t conjure the feelings alone, but God supplies him with what he needs.” (Esther Wright, For the rest go to Wright Reflections: His Grace)

Learning. Growing. Trying. Failing. Striving. Resting.

As I read her post, I felt so liberated by it. Like the author of Hebrews, I realized that although the rest of salvation has already been freely given to us, we have to wrestle, to push, to enter that rest. (Heb 4:11)  It seems like a contradiction, but that’s when the value of learning becomes so key. Learning means I don’t know it all. Learning means I’m not there yet, but I’m getting better at it. Learning means I fail, make mistakes, and miss it along the way, but I keep growing. We learn to rest.

And there are layers to learning to rest. Here are the ones I’ve been exploring.

Layer 1: Be– The first gift God gave you is being. Before you ever made a decision, before you even had a heartbeat, you were. It’s not simply “what gifts has God given me?” It’s “My very existence is his greatest gift.” Look at the garden. Man was commanded to what? “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it.” (Gen 1:28) Notice that in this command, Adam is told to do two things he already naturally does by simply “being.” To have dominion is simply to walk in the gift of authority he was already walking in as head of creation, and the second is to take his own being and reproduce it over the whole earth. To fill the earth with “being.” It was never a “doing” lifestyle, it was a “being” lifestyle. Man corrupted this gift through choosing to find his being apart from God in the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, but Jesus came to restore the gift of being. To rest is, at its core, a command to “just be.” Think of what you do when you rest. You sit. You sleep. You eat. You aren’t very productive, you are simply taking care of whatever you need to to  be the most healthy and whole version of yourself. To rest is a process of returning to what is most fully you.

Layer 2: Know His Being– God’s first declaration of his nature is “I am that I am” (Exodus 3:14) Just as we are called to

rest by just being, we experience God by experiencing His being. He never changes, He never strives, He never loses His temper, and nothing ever catches Him off guard. He is always at peace, always joyful, always loving, always living life to the fullest. God is the “I AM.” He is the ever resting one, who exists, and causes all things to exist because of His character–His being. Because God is, all things are. We have to seek to know God, not by striving to somehow earn His affections or to prove our devotion, but by experiencing His constant being. As we choose to “just be,” we can choose to freely receive the Being of the Uncreated One. Remember, knowledge is an experience. Cease striving and know.

Layer 3: Experience the “Logos” in all creation– This is a weird and slightly theological way of saying that you are meant not only to be, but to be in harmony with all the “being” of everything around you. I expound upon this in my Satisfied Life post more than I will here, but you are meant to feel God in all creation. This is easier with things like nature, and much harder in things like your annoying neighbor or dorm-mate. The character, beauty, and personality of God are singing forth from all creation, but we rarely hear it. As you learn to just be, you must also learn to let everything else “just be.” Not meaning passively accepting everything as “just the way it is,” but instead asking “how do I see God in this?” and then experiencing the response.

It is layer 3 that humanity often misses entirely. We know ourselves, we know God in the Bible and our “devotion” times, but we don’t see or feel Him in everything. There’s God, then there’s the rusty trailer, but we often fail to see God in the rusty trailer.

At this point you may be saying “well, I can see God in the tree, but God didn’t make that piece of junk. People did.” True, but who made the people? Who made the iron, the wood, the creativity that birthed that thing you now call junk? Who made the earth that is eating it, or the invisible force that is slowly returning the iron to dust? What holds every fiber of that piece of junk together? How is it that this junk even gets to exist in the moment you look at it? Something is at work in that crumbling relic of modern man that is eternally captivating. Look closer and you’ll see it.

Isaiah didn’t see it. He was religious, but didn’t feel especially close to God. He was a kind of “go with the flow” person, living and loving the status quo, talking the same old talk as everyone else. I’m sure that much like me, he often looked around at the brokenness of the world– the sin, the evil, the destruction –and thought God distant. He probably looked at the rusting junk laying in the dirt and felt nothing. But one day, this man had a visitation.

As he went to pray, he saw the Lord of Glory filling the temple. Blinding light, smoke, a throne, and six winged angels with bone shaking voices, crying out “HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, is the Lord Almighty! The whole earth is filled with His glory!” (Isaiah 6:3, emphasis mine) He immediately realized he had been blind, and living a life of corruption. Then God set him free.
I can only imagine Isaiah’s surprise as he meditated on the haunting, overwhelming phrase the angels kept repeating. The whole earth is filled with His glory. What a paradigm shift.

But God, what about war? The whole earth is filled with His glory. What about poverty? The whole earth is filled with His glory. What about all the pollution and waste? The whole earth is filled with His glory.  cleansed him by touching him with it. Once the fire of God had touched him, he freely volunteered to go forth as God’s voice, letting his people know that like him, they too were blind to the truth.

I’m not saying that evil is good, and good evil. I’m saying that within all things the glory of God can be seen. Somewhere within the being of every thing on this planet, God is there. His nature may have been abused, twisted, perverted, or covered over, but it is there somewhere. When you see from the perspective of  the angels, there is nowhere you can look in the whole earth that is not filled with the glory of God.

Listen to the rocks. You can hear them groaning for the day when they can fully reveal that glory. All creation awaits that day when it will be restored so that its glory is impossible to miss. Everything is meant to reveal God. All things can be enjoyed to the measure that they reveal God, and all things to some measure reveal Him. As Christians, it is our privilege to rest. From this place of rest, we can reveal to the world what is God in the junk around us, and what is perversion.

Jesus wants all to see that He can be found in an old, rusty metal trailer on the side of the road. There is glory all around you, do you see it?

Why Wrong Theology Works

I believe a lot of things that are wrong, and so do you!

The good news is, God uses this for our good.

You may have heard it said that it’s impossible for two people to ever read the same book, or that you never read the same book twice, and it’s true. Every person takes the pages they read and experiences them through their own unique lens. Then, even this is not static, because our perspectives change with age and experience.

I read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe when I was eleven. I loved it. I just re-read it, and it was a totally different book. The narrator’s voice sounded different, the story was simpler, and Aslan was more relatable. Yet, the words never changed, I did. Same book, but a different book for me. 

The same holds true with the Bible. God created me uniquely in His image, so I will uniquely encounter His character in the Bible in a way that you won’t, because you’re not me. You will see things in the Bible I guarantee you I will miss, because I’m not you. That’s why we are the body of Christ. That’s why we need each other. We all have biases, blind spots, wrong interpretations, misplaced conclusions…we all have plenty wrong with what we believe.

So why does God allow that? Why is God so ok with us viewing Him through inaccurate lenses? We’ve built entire doctrines about how God works, how sanctification works, how healing works, and a million other things that are wrong! We’ve not only put God in a box, but the box isn’t even the right color!

This is because God gladly relates to us within our wrong framework we’ve built even while He works to free us from it.

Wrong theology still works, because it helps us connect to Him.

Even the Apostle Paul recognizes this. He says that we see through a dark, distorted lens, and our knowledge is lacking and broken. Only once Jesus has perfected all things at the end of days will we have these glaring problems corrected. (1 Cor 13:12) Just try telling your pastor that the Apostle Paul, the writer of nearly half the New Testament, saw God through a dark and distorted lens. I’m sure that will go over well.

Here’s a biblical example: In the Roman church, there was a group of Christians who wholeheartedly believed it was wrong to eat meat, while the other group believed every food was good to eat. Paul acknowledges that one view is the “weaker” view (his nice way of saying “yea, they are wrong”), but he tells the “strong” to not set a stumbling block in front of the weak. Paul even tells the Romans that all foods are ok to eat, but he doesn’t condemn the weak for their wrong interpretation. Instead he says “look guys, it’s not about all that, it’s about living right between you and God, overwhelmed by peace, overflowing with joy. That’s Christianity; that’s the kingdom.” (Rom 14:17, my paraphrase)

Living in this kind of Christianity, God can take care of our wrong theology in the context of deep, fulfilling relationship with us. We don’t have to judge one another or stress about how he believes everyone should speak in tongues while she believes the gifts of the spirit have ceased, or how she believes it’s always God’s will to heal while he believes it’s only sometimes his will. We don’t have to be divided because I’m a Calvinist and you’re an Arminianist, or if you have no idea what those words mean and I’m a theologian!

Here’s a more modern example that I’ve heard quite a bit on from both sides. There is a theology that says that people struggle with various issues because of curses passed down through their generational line. The way to get over these issues is to repent and break off these curses through the power of Jesus. Others believe that when Jesus was cursed on the cross, and paid for the sins of the world, that included any curses and generational sins, which means those curses are broken off at the moment of salvation. One is a system to bring a person into freedom through the power of the cross, the other says because of the cross you were already freed, meaning nothing is there to remove. People have found genuine freedom and happiness through both theologies. How does that work?

Both theologies cause people to put trust in the character of God. They both bring a person into the revelation that God is a good, loving, kind God who wants us to be free and our joy to be made complete. This trust in God allows Him to do what he loves to do, and results in life for the person. Sure, one interpretation is right, and the other has a distorted perspective, but both allow people to grow deeper in their relationship with God. God chooses to work within both of those boxes so that he can take them into deeper relational joy with Him.

Faith can move mountains in your life. Even when your faith is in a perspective that’s missing something, God can use that faith to change your life. We should continue to be truth seekers, but God meets us when our “truth” is still lacking. He meets us in this tension of ignorance, distortion, and learning.

Wrong theology works.

Because God is that darn good to us.